My wife no longer wants to share the same bed with me. This has been going on for 5 years now. We are in our mid-40s, and I have affection for her, but she never initiates contact and gets mad when I do. If I ask her about not sleeping with me, she gets mad. I stopped asking. I do not snore, I am a good husband and work hard in our marriage and I treat her with respect.
Best answer:
Answer by dalek_6_2_6
take her out for dinner one night and tell her that its getting ridiculous im sure she agrees but no one wants to go first, well your the man so you have to
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I would have asked if you helped around the house, stayed connected to her (communication), etc. Sometimes it's things like this that can be the problem.
ReplyDeleteBut, since you say that you're a good husband and work hard in your marriage, then maybe she has something else going on. I would seek marriage counseling. A good counselor should be able to help you open up the lines of communication so that you can figure out what the real problem is.
She should also talk to her doctor about this. There are a number of medical reasons that could cause your wife to lose her interest in sex. She may not be willing to talk to her doctor about this initially though. I'd start with the marriage counseling and I'll bet the counselor might even bring this up. If not, you could bring it up at a session - ask if this is something that should be looked into.
I would ask her what her reasons are. Did you ever try asking? Then buy her a copy of THE PROPER CARE AND FEEDING OF HUSBANDS
ReplyDeleteYou better go see a marriage counselor, there seems to be more behind it than you know. 5 years is a very long time for something like that to continue. The problem is probably alot bigger than you can see or even understand. Sometimes it doesn't matter how hard you try or what you do, it's what you are not seeing or hearing. Seek help from outside the box.
ReplyDeleteThis is going to require one of those "talks". Either she's clinically depressed, she's resentful about something you've done (or haven't done), or she needs to make an appointment with her doctor.
ReplyDeleteDon't stop asking - it's not normal for people your age to not have sex. It's an important, integral part of married life. You need it - she needs it too but something's going on and she needs to find out what it is.
well this is just me ,but i would not support a woman for nothing, she eithers acts like a wife or i would find someone else
ReplyDeleteShe has had an affair. She feels guilty and blames you for putting her in that situation. Start from scratch. Whistle at her when she gets undressed. Bring her a water when she's watching tv. Ask her to the movies. Be her friend again, she needs you emotionally. She'll come back be patient.
ReplyDeleteIve dealt with this B.S....family man, not raising hell, not in the bar on fri and not out with the boys..1st..thing, do you know its not a health issue...does she seem to have energy for everything and body except you..if yes..then lets go down the rabbit hole...Do you think there is someone else, no..then have u done or said something that has turned her off?...How is the rest of the marriage, bills, money, employment..any of these things plus a thousand more can throw of Honey do me list...But the simple fact is you didnt get married not to have sex, this is a union and two way street..the next time she gets mad when u try to talk about why ur not having sex. What does she expect you to do for the lack of...U need to know if she still loves u..My wife tried that sleeping in another room crap and I told her if u cant sleep in the bed with me then I cant sleep in the house with you..
ReplyDeleteQuestion do you keep your haircut, teeth flossed, and toe jam under control.
ReplyDeleteLet her know that you want some intimacy in this marriage or another one - say it nicely, but let her know that intimacy is part of marriage.
ReplyDeleteTry to get to the bottom of her problem. If you don't think you can do it verbally, write her a letter - yeah it may sound silly, but if nothing else works.....
You say you are a good hubby, but how?
Do you help her with chores?
Does she know she can count on you 100%?
Do you do things "just because you love her" - things like a love note left in her handbag or on the seat in her car, or a text message "I love you" or "can't wait to see you tonight" etc
Date nights? Not to have sex after, just because you want to do fun things with her.
If nothing works, it is too late and you need to move on :( Good luck.
P.S. I got hold of an e-book for a friend - paid $ US29-95 and would sell you a copy if it would help. It has 70 suggestions on how to improve a flagging marriage - most are great. It is just a thought.....
Well, I can think of 2 things.
ReplyDelete1. How was the sex when you had it? I mean for her, not you. If you are like a Minuteman, or a bottle rocket, that could be the problem. She might prefer not to get something started that (for her) never gets finished. Did you take plenty of time getting her warmed up, or just jump on? I have heard of lots of women trying to eliminate or at least minimize the sex if it's lousy.
2. How thorough are your hygiene and grooming habits? Honestly? No woman wants to get up close and personal with someone with bad breath or who stinks. If you may be slacking, maybe try spending a little more time in the bathroom, and I don't mean on the can.
If it's neither of those things, try talking to her, and don't let her get mad. Tell her you need to know, honestly, what's going on. If you have to, threaten to leave if she doesn't start talking. Keep at her until she fesses up. 5 years is too long to let this go on. If it's medical condition, a doctor can help. If it's psychological, a psychologist can help. If she just doesn't want you physically any more, you may to make some hard choices. It's your life, do what you have to for you.